Ticklish? Daily Doze

[canny]

lol.

[JIP]

”Natural Cure”

Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a clip on it so she could attach it directly to her belt. A few days later, I walked into my mother's home and found her standing in the middle of the living room, halfway dressed. That didn't strike me as odd so much as the fact that she was holding her pants to the side of her head and speaking into them.
"Don't look at me that way," she yelled. "The phone started ringing and I couldn't figure out how to undo this stupid clip!"

[canny]

[JIP]

Press the key to get fired.

[JIP]

[canny]

A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard work. Needing a lawn mower, he headed into town to buy one. On the way he saw a sign advertising a lawn mower for sale. He stopped at the house and a young lad came out to greet him.

The preacher asked about the lawn mower and the kid said it was behind the house. The two went to look at the lawn mower. The engine was sputtering along at idle speed. The preacher increased the speed of the engine and mowed a few strips. Satisfied that the mower would do the job they settled on a price of $25.00.

Later in the day, the young lad was riding his bicycle when he spied the preacher pulling on the engine starter rope. The kid stopped and watched for a couple of minutes. He asked, "What's wrong?"

The reply came, "I can't get this mower started. Do you know how?"

The kid said, "Yep."

"Well, how do you do it? Tell me!", the preacher yelled.

The kid replied, "You have to cuss it."

The preacher rose up indignantly. "Now you listen here. I am a preacher and if I ever did cuss, not saying I have, I've forgotten how to do it after all these years."

With a wise look on his face well beyond his years, the kid said, "Preacher, you keep on pulling that rope and it'll all come back to ya."

[JIP]

LOL

[canny]

I can just imagine that I might have done this as a little girl! I laughed
so hard, I just had to pass it on:

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my brother who
is four years older than I am. I was maybe 1 and a half years old and had
just recovered from an accident in which my arm had been broken among other
injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of
my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news
and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a
little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and
lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea,
because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea
for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to
you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??"

And sure enough........!!!

[JIP]

Lol

[JIP]

ACTUAL Church Bulletin Bloopers:

· Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

· “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”· "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus."

· "Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered."

· The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to conflict.

· The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

· Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

· Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.

· Thursday night will be a potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

·A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

·This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

·Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.