The Daily Funnies

[gibby]

I thought I would create an official thread to pass on humerous messages you receive from time to time in your inbox. 99% of them don't make me laugh and/or are crude but this one made me chuckle:



FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:


NUMBER 5: They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen.

NUMBER 4: 'This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to.

NUMBER 3: 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!

NUMBER 2:Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?

Number 1 And MY all time Favorite:best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk:

(Raising your head slowly) '...in Jesus' name, Amen

[ByHisGrace]

eaa6c0fa67d9ee4342bc9fe7a6fc3bb1.png

[eddybear]

[canny]

I think JIP put the ticklish daily dose in the wrong place....I had given up on it a long time ago.

[canny]

Since we are a year old, I am remembering some of the funniest Lampstand moments.... and Onesi posting without a space bar has to be one of the best

[canny]

What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?






Angus McCoatup

[ByHisGrace]

That would be because he was in Wales and there is Leeks everywhere

[canny]

A little nine year old girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

"Mommy" she said "Can we leave now?"

"No" her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!"

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush."

In about two minutes the little girl returned to her seat.

"Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes" the little girl replied.

"Well, how could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and return so quickly?"

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy" the little girl replied, "They have a box next to the front door that says 'for the sick'."

[canny]

> A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:
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> Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
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> Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.
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> FASTER...
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> BUMP...
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> He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.
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> clappity-BUMP...
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> on his heels, as the terrified man runs.
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> Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
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> With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
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> Bumping and clapping toward him.
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> The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
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> and,
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> (hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
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> The coffin stops.

[gibby]