The Daily Funnies

[ByHisGrace]

Originally Posted by gibby

Don't worry gibby .... they've just not got round to giving her, her morning medication yet

[gibby]

Global Warming:

[canny]

give Gibby a pink pill too

[gibby]

I am hittin' the hay. See ya all in a few hours.

[canny]

Nite Gibby

A Teenager Is . . .

* A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

* A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

* A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

* Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

* A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can't make a bed.

* A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver's license.

* A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music -- loud and very loud.

* An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

* A young woman who loves the cat and barely tolerates her brother.

* A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

* A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

* A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday -- he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

* An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

[onesiphorus]

I had forgotten that I had to use commas between every word

[Wabco]

canny, that's funny.
one of mine is not yet a teenager, but spent 1 hour in the shower/bathroom last week! 1 hour!!

[canny]

'Gonna Be A Bear

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup, 'gonna be a bear!

[ByHisGrace]

Luv yer post canny

[canny]

Label Instructions
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

1. On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

2. On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

3. On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be???....)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion.)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me time?)

8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (...I'm taking this because???....)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say what?)

14. On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Oh my !!!!..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)