Is it wrong to pray to be with someone when they love someone else?

[DaneClark]

I love someone who is engaged to someone else. I have loved this person for a very long time, but never had a fair chance to be with her. Our families are very close and she considers me to be a very close friend.

The first time I wanted to tell her I liked her was in 8th grade, and she started dating another boy before I had a chance to tell her. When they FINALLY broke up 4 years later we were both out of school and in college, and she ended up meeting another guy. She was well aware of the fact that I had feelings for her but still only considered me a friend (but still, a very close friend)

After she had been seeing this second guy for about 2 years I started praying every night that God find a way to bring us together and just give me a chance. However, after a few months of this, I decided to give up and try to meet someone else. When they first announced their engagement later that year, I was initially O.K. with it because I was confident that I would meet someone soon- big mistake. I always have a hard time meeting people because I'm very shy. One of my "must-haves" is that the be very close to the same age as me, something that is very hard to find when you're in your early 20's. Every relationship that I tried to get into was over before it even started.

That's when I started thinking about her again. I started praying again, even though at this point I knew that it was too late, but I just couldn't help it. Everything about her just seems so perfect for me. It's just not fair to have grown up with someone perfect for you, and having them be one of your closest friends, but not being able to be with them , It's so frustrating. When I pray, I tell god that I know that I'm being selfish, but it's just so hard not to want it. I know, I'm basically praying for something bad to happen to someone I love, but I just know that she could learn to love me if we were just given one more chance. She is of a very rare type, and even if I were to meet someone who was just like her in every way, something would still seem missing to me. I really do love her, and I want her to be happy, but why does she get to be happy when I don't? I know she could be happy with me, I just know it. I'm not asking God to change her free will, all I'm asking him is to let fate bring us into a situation where I can have one more chance. She's just so perfect for me, and it could take me years to find another girl like her. She has lots of VERY important qualities that nobody else can give me. If it isn't meant to be, why does my heart keep leading me back to her?

Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this and had it turn out they way they wanted it in the end?

[canny]

Ohhhh yea,,, I love someone I am soooooooooo not allowed to,,,,,,, so I cant , he does not love me in that way............ you cant make someone love you,,,, its such a rotten thing to say to someone who is in your position,, no amount of praying will give you what you believe is right, be ready for a wait, be ready for a surprise !,,,,,,,, be open and ready for the right one, the one that is meant for you...........


I forgot to add,, no sweetheart,, its not wrong to pray for it,,, your heart is open to Him anyway

[canny]

Ohhhh yea,,, I love someone I am soooooooooo not allowed to,,,,,,, so I cant , he does not love me in that way............ you cant make someone love you,,,, its such a rotten thing to say to someone who is in your position,, no amount of praying will give you what you believe is right, be ready for a wait, be ready for a surprise !,,,,,,,, be open and ready for the right one, the one that is meant for you...........


I forgot to add,, no sweetheart,, its not wrong to pray for it,,, your heart is open to Him anyway

No earthy person knows if this is the one for you,,

[Lynwood]

I know how your feeling. When I was about 20 I was in love with someone who only considered me a friend. He even told me once that he loved me as a sister. I was heartbroken when he got engaged to the girl that he eventually married - she even shared me name!

Much later on I met the man who WAS right for me. Had I married the man I first loved, I would have missed out on being with the person who was truly meant for me. Yes, I had to wait, and that was hard.

God knows your heart and how you're feeling. The VERY hardest thing I had to do for the man I loved when I was 20 was to love him enough to let him go. I remember telling myself many times that if I was not right for him, then he was not right for me. It was SO hard to believe at the time, but it turned out to be right.

Maybe you could ask God to give you the strength to do that, and peace that he DOES have someone for you who is truly right for you. Ask God to help you to be genuinely pleased for her, and to help you to love her as a sister. Above all, remember just how much God loves YOU and that He will help you to cope with the heartache you are going through.

Lynwood.

[marcelle19]

I know that may be trite sounding, but what it boils down to is do you trust God in all things?

If your answer is yes, then you know that He will always answer your request according to His will, and that is that He be glorified in your life in His Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.

Trust Him - that simple, child-like faith that Jesus tells us we must have - and place your requests before Him, and His peace will guard your heart and mind in Christ.

Don't aggravate yourself over things you have no control over; remember, He controls all things in all our lives, and what He gives us is of the most benefit to Him and us.

It is not wrong to pray for anything unless it is not of faith - that is, contrary to the infinitely perfect character of God.

Truly, all He asks for is that belief in Him as an infant trusts in their daddy, only He's such a better DADDY.

God bless you, and may the desires of your heart be one with His heart.

Bill

[Onesiphorus]

Dear DaneClarke , I really sympathise with you , it really is horrible to be in your situation ,but ,truthfully Dane ,you say that you are not asking God to change her free will ,but sorry that is exactly what you are asking God to do .

HOw about praying as Paul always prayed in his epistles ,Paul always sought GOd to give him wisdom of who he was "in Christ" if you like it is a position Paul ;and we all can get in this ; called "rest" and this "rest" comes from who we now are because of Him .

A good example is 2 Corinthians I would advise reading the complete epistle , If you think you are in dire straits ,read what happened to Paul and you will see if you think on this that through it all he realised that Gods grace was greater than any trial and tribulation he had experienced ...I believe this is what is meant by repentence ...truly changing your mind to conform to His .

So rather than beat yourself up on this ,pray for auls wisdom and pnowledge of being in Christ and you "will" find the "resting in Christ " and I am not saying suddenly your life will be changed ,but, you will see a huge difference in how others see you and who knows what exciting thing await you

[Lily]

I pray, I tell god that I know that I'm being selfish, but it's just so hard not to want it. I know, I'm basically praying for something bad to happen to someone I love

Dane, the very fact that you have even written this post tells me your thoughts are bothering you so you obviously have a conscience and for that reason, as a mere human being I would say no you aren't wrong.
When you say you are praying for something bad to happen to someone you love, that's not in the literal sense is it ?
I have never met you or spoken to you but from the tone of your post, I would take a stab in the dark and say you don't seem like the kind of person who prays for bad things to happen to people and I have no doubt that because God knows your heart better than anyone else, he knows that to and I would hazzard a guess that he's not holding it against you. You can't be a bad person if you have a conscience.
I also feel God wouldn't mind at all if I told you you really shouldn't be so hard on yourself so try to stop beating yourself up over this.

but why does she get to be happy when I don't?

Dane, i'm certain there are quite a few of us who have asked that question about someone else in our life so please try to stop yourself for having perfectly human emotions.

She is of a very rare type, and even if I were to meet someone who was just like her in every way, something would still seem missing to me.

Dane hunnie, if she's rare then reason demands you aren't very likely to meet someone like her.

but I just know that she could learn to love me

I'm sorry if I sound harsh Dane but no, you don't know that really and no you can't make someone love you. Love is a natural emotion, it isn't learnt.

I apologise if you did say it in your post but have you ever told her how you feel ? I'm not saying you should, that would be a bad move right now because that would be putting her in an awkward situation and you could be running the risk of loosing her friendship altogether.
But what I would say is, if this were me, I would start asking myself could I really handle the status quo and stand quietly on the sidelines while I watch the person that I love be happy with someone else or should I try and move on. What I mean is, sometimes loving someone means we have to let them go. If it's meant to be, they will come back but that has to be under their terms to allow them to exercise their own free will.

I really SO feel for you as I write this Dane. To love someone that doesn't love you back must hurt so badly. Your feelings do matter Dane, they matter because you are worth something and God is hurting because you are hurting. I know when my Son hurts, I hurt more but like all good parents you sometimes have to stand back and allow them to go through pain because that pain nourishes courage, it forms characters and it allows you to work things out.

I'm not going to give you advise Dane because sometimes advice, even if it's the best advice is the wrong thing to do because it stops someone from working things out themselves but what I will do is ask you something.
Would you be willing to consider what I said about making that decision ? That decision to think about whether you are willing to torture yourself over this as you watch that lady love someone else, or ask yourself if you should walk away and move on ?
Only you know what you can handle Dane.
If you do make the decision yourself to walk away and try and move on, please remember this,,,, today isn't the rest of your life, it's just today

[Bloodbought]

Dear DaneClarke

What you are really looking for is the RIGHT person for you. You thought that this girl was the right one. It is not for me to say she was or she was not.

What you need to know is what is God's will for you.

Can I suggest that you ask God for a sign to show you if she is right or wrong? What that sign should be is for you to decide.

Gideon did this in Judges ch 6.

I have done it as well and it worked for me. I have been married for over 40 years. It took 6 months for us to meet again after God showed my that she was the girl for me. Be patient. God's time is the right time.