Why was i kicked out of this Christian communal home?

[Sadie101]

This has haunted me for a while now. Maybe you guys can shed some light on the subject.

A while back, i lived in a communal Christian home for five months.. Dating was not allowed and we had to treat each other like brother's and sister's in the Lord.
Everyone was single there including the deacon and deaconess of the house.

The elder of the house, who did not live there, would visit at times to check up on us all. One day he came to me saying he needed to talk to me. He said i seemed depressed, what's up? I told him i liked/had feelings for the deacon of the house. He looked very shocked and displeased, but didn't say much, then closed the conversation.

After that..i felt very guilty, and i basically panicked. Then like a fool, i felt i needed to tell the deacon i liked him, to sorta relieve my guilty feelings or something and get things out in the open.

Anyway, when i told him i liked him, he was very surprised...and he said "My flesh eats it up".
I also told him i had been dreaming of him a lot lately, but that they weren't anything sexual....
A silence came over him when i told him that, then he said a few more things that i cant remember now, and then quickly closed the conversation. He appeared to be very serious about it all.

After that meeting, he literally avoided me like the plague.
About 2 days later, the elder came by again and asked me to leave. No explanations or anything.

So basically, i got kicked out because i liked the deacon.
Before i left, i spoke to the deacon one more time and i started crying in front of him.
He told me dating wasn't allowed there, and that it wasn't the Lords will...but that he wasn't rejecting me...etc...
But before he signed off the conversation, he told me to repent and ask for forgiveness.

Also, i never had any problems while living there, I got along great with everyone., and never had any problems what so ever. All i did was express my secret, and yes, it was a secret, because nobody knew i liked him.
But as soon as i confessed, i got booted out asap with no real explanations.

Now my questions are...
1.What did i do wrong and why exactly was i asked to leave?
2.Why did he tell me to repent?
3.And what did he mean by "his flesh eats it up"?

[gibby]

Sounds like a difficult situation. But, from what you have told me, my thoughts on your questions:

1. Not sure. Sounds like you were open and honest about what you were experiencing. I think it is healthy for Christians to be open and honest about what they are dealing with inside.

2. The only thing I can think of to repent from is breaking the rules of the home? But all you did was share feelings; it's not like you acted on them. I don't think it is a sin in itself to like someone (if there are no thoughts of lust).

3. He possibly was physically attracted to you but knew it was against the rules.

Hope this helps.

[Sadie101]

Thank you gibby for your thoughts.

2. The only thing I can think of to repent from is breaking the rules of the home? But all you did was share feelings; it's not like you acted on them.

Exactly. That's why i don't think it was the house rules he was referring to. He actually thought i sinned against God somehow.
Because technically speaking, i did nothing wrong. It had to have been something within him then.

I don't think it is a sin in itself to like someone (if there are no thoughts of lust).

I think he thought i was lusting. I told him i had been dreaming of him lately, even tho i told him they were not sexual dreams, i think the word "sexual" was a red flag to him. He did appear like he was flattered or touched or something, then he got all quiet and serious then closed the conversation.
Then he avoided me like the plague. Why did he do that?
Could it be that i tempted him somehow so he had to avoid me? so much that he had the elder to ask me to leave?
I mean....what else???

[gibby]

Then he avoided me like the plague. Why did he do that?
Could it be that i tempted him somehow so he had to avoid me? so much that he had the elder to ask me to leave?
I mean....what else???

Hmm...maybe, I guess. Too bad they could not have explained it more to you.

[ByHisGrace]

Hi Sadie and welcome
Can I ask what type of Christian Community were you in. I ask as I find it strange when folks get into ""Holy Huddles"" I'm not saying this disrespectfully it's just that the Bible says 'we are in the world but not of it' so we should be out there reaching the lost not sitting in an 'ivory tower' looking down on them.

As for your questions: I've got to agree with what gibby has already said.

[Sadie101]

Hi Sadie and welcome

Thank you.

Can I ask what type of Christian Community were you in.

Not quite sure what you mean. Just regular born-again Christians. Non-denominational.

[eddybear]

I go along with what Gibby has said. I don't think you did anything sinful, Sadie, so there was nothing for you to repent of. With hindsight, it may have been wiser to keep what you said to the elder and not to tell the deacon, but you didn't sin. And actually, I suspect it wouldn't have made much difference to the final outcome whether you told the deacon or not. It could well be that the deacon found you attractive, and couldn't handle it.

A lot of Christians are motivated by fear of breaking rules, rather than living in freedom, and it sounds like that might have been the case here. I have to confess to being wary of close communities that have man-made rules that have to be kept. I can see why a mixed sex community would need rules, to avoid any scandal, but it suppresses our basic God-given nature. I'm not convinced that is healthy. I suspect that in the long run (despite the short term pain) you will find greater freedom in Christ outside the community than in it.

[Sadie101]

Thank you eddybear.

[Galaen]

I agree with what has already been said. You are not in sin because of your feelings but it may have been wiser to talk it through with Jesus rather than the elder and deacon but that is another lesson learned. From what you say, they sound as though they themselves could have problems. Personally I think people who cannot always handle their own lives very well are more than happy to set down lots of rules for others to follow. We are free because Jesus set us free, do not put yourself back into bondage, His yoke is bearable because He knows what weight we can carry. A question to ask yourself 'Was it the man or his power/situation which attracted you?'

[Sadie101]

I agree with what has already been said. You are not in sin because of your feelings but it may have been wiser to talk it through with Jesus rather than the elder and deacon but that is another lesson learned. From what you say, they sound as though they themselves could have problems. Personally I think people who cannot always handle their own lives very well are more than happy to set down lots of rules for others to follow. We are free because Jesus set us free, do not put yourself back into bondage, His yoke is bearable because He knows what weight we can carry. A question to ask yourself 'Was it the man or his power/situation which attracted you?'

Oh please, it was totally the man. I am not one of those women who are attracted to power. This wasn't a power place, nor was any of them on power trips.
It was just a Christian communal home i lived in a while back. They all loved the Lord very much. They just believed anything that even remotely resembled sex was a sin.

I guess me having feelings for the deacon seemed sinful because they thought of it as lust, and according to them, lust (sexual feelings) is a sin. Lust doesn't even mean sexual feelings, but thats another story all together.
Talk about a sexually repressed place. They wanted us to be like monks and nuns while we lived there.

That said, i never even hinted at anything sexual. I mentioned i had been dreaming of him lately, and that they were NOT sexual dreams, but he just went all silent for several seconds then closed the conversation asap.
I guess he heard the word sexual and a red flag went up.

I may have caused the deacon to feel something, i don't know. He seemed to freak out after i told him, avoided me like the plague, then two days later they gave me the boot.
The day i said goodbye i asked the deacon for a hug, He even seemed reluctant for that, but he let me, but pulled away asap when i kinda squeezed him for a second.

I even visited the place about a month later to see some girlfriends there, he spotted me, looked at me for a second then scurried away asap.

Was i that gross? hideous perhaps? People always told me i was an attractive girl, so i am hoping it wasn't that. lol
He did say his flesh eats eat up, so i am assuming that means he liked that i liked him, but thought it was a sin.
How sad is that?